Category: Testimony

I never thought I’d end up in this place, chained to a drug that everyone just sees as a bad habit, a choice. But for me, crystal meth isn’t about partying or escapism—it’s about survival. Without it, I can’t keep my job, hold my thoughts straight, or even get through the day. I’ve begged doctors for something—anything—that would let me function without tearing my life to shreds, but all they do is offer rehab programs that don’t work for someone like me: it doesn’t work on 95% of crystal addicts.

What I really need is medical support that recognizes my dependence as a medical condition, with prescribed treatments that let me live without the chaos and danger of street meth. It’s not about enabling addiction; it’s about managing it safely so I can keep my dignity and hold onto my life. We’re not just addicts—we’re people trying to survive in a world that’s ready to profit from our medical condition.

Man, it’s like this daily grind with crystal meth ain’t what people think it is. Yeah, some folks see it as just a crazy drug, a mess-up ticket, but they don’t see the real struggle beneath. I need meth just to keep up—without it, I’m dead weight. It’s not like I want to be hooked, but here’s the thing: the doctors and the system? They treat us like garbage. They sell rehab like it’s the magic fix, but really, they’re just lining pockets while we’re left scrambling.

The streets? Yeah, they got dealers who push crystal meth like it’s candy, but no one offers a legit solution. It’s like we’re trapped in this nightmare where you gotta either get it from the streets or suffer. If only the docs would prescribe a clean version—the pharmaceutical kind, something real and safe—that way, we wouldn’t be stuck in the hands of crime lords or wreck our lives with the junk on the street.

We’re functional people too, just caught in a system that’s rigged. Crystal meth users aren’t criminals, we’re victims of a setup where nobody really cares. What we need is help that’s real, not this push-and-pull between rehab promises and drug peddlers. Let us get the treatment that lets us live without chaos, without the deadly side effects, without the game. That’s the only way out.

Here is a testimony written in the spirit of those shared on ineedmeth.com, reflecting the lived reality of crystal meth dependence and the urgent need for compassionate, effective medical solutions:

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**I need meth**

My name is George, and I’m one of many who live with crystal meth dependence. It’s not a choice. It’s a need. I don’t use meth for pleasure or fun anymore—if I ever did. I use it because without it, I am dead inside, unable to do the things that keep me alive and functioning. It’s like needing water to survive.

The system doesn’t help people like me. Psychiatrists and doctors sell rehab programs that fail most of us, blaming addicts when we relapse. They refuse to prescribe pharmaceutical alternatives that could help us live normal lives without the chaos and destruction meth brings. Instead, they medicate the side effects of meth addiction with other drugs that bring their own burdens.

Meanwhile, the dealers and organized crime that supply meth profit from our misery, exploiting our need and trapping us deeper in dependence. I’m caught between a system that refuses to treat me properly and a shadowy underworld that holds my life in its hands.

I need meth to be functional. I need a safe, prescribed version that can help me manage my life without the destructive consequences of street meth and its side effects. I need doctors to stop pointing fingers and start prescribing real treatment options.

Until that happens, I am trapped. I’m like thousands of others who are failed by the medical system and preyed upon by crime. This is my reality, and I wish for a future where people like me are given real help, not just blamed or exploited.

— George

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This testimony aligns with the voices on ineedmeth.com, calling for recognition that meth dependence is a medical reality that requires responsible, compassionate pharmaceutical solutions rather than blame or neglect.

Life with crystal meth dependence is brutal. It’s being stuck in a system that’s supposed to help but only profits off your pain. The dealers push the drug, the doctors push rehab that doesn’t work, and you’re left caught in the middle, unable to function without the meth but destroyed by it too. What we really need is doctors prescribing a safe, pharmaceutical version of meth—something that keeps us functional without the wreckage and the danger of the street. Until that happens, we’re just exploited and left to suffer. It’s time people see us not as criminals or lost causes, but as folks who need a real solution.

In all my years of live, I learned to differentiate between a want and a need. I can assure everyone that meth addictivity is very much due to the fact that using eventually becomes a need.

I feel towards meth exact how I feel like for water. I use when I need it, I stop when I’m quenched, I make sure I always have access to some, and if I had to choose between no more meth ever and no more water ever, I’d probably pick no more water ever since the suffering will end quicker.

It seems absolutely farfetched for someone who isn’t dependant that a drug would be a need. But hey, being loved and being happy are needs as well. It’s not because you die in a known amount of time without a thing that it is not a need. People who go too long without love and happiness can die by suicide. The suicide is the symptom. The real problem was their needs went too long without being met.

I assure you, as someone who has to live with it every single day, I can assure you it is a need for me. That is why I always relapse after a stay in rehab. I run to meth like a dehydrated man would run to a fountain.

It started with pleasure, like some super exciting ice cream, but it ended up turning into a need. My brain’s structure is not the same as a non-meth addict since meth modifies the very structure of the brain. So really, it’s not just a psychological crutch for some past unresolved trauma. My body is demanding meth just like it’d demand water.

Every one around me who is allegedly trying to heal me insist that I can stop using crystal meth if only I gave myself the will to do so. The doctors won’t prescribe anything pharmaceutical to treat crystal meth addiction: they only prescribe willpower to the meth addicts and let them fail 95% of the time at stopping crystal meth use.

95% of regular meth users never stop using crystal meth. That is appaling! The so-called experts actually have no expertise when it comes to treating crystal meth addiction. They know very well that the drug ruins lives like it ruined mine; and yet, users simply just don’t find the willpower to simply just not use?

My psychiatrist claims that I use crystal meth for the pleasure it gives me: that is as far from the truth of experiencing it as it can be. I don’t do meth for fun. Maybe I had some fun on meth at the start; it sure helped my rapist, who got me addicted, to rape me four years ago. I realize today that it was his intention from the get go: ruin my life by giving me meth addiction.

The police didn’t do anything to help me when he was still sending death threats and harassing me after the rape. But the police did force so many times to be at the mercy of psychiatrists by tearing me out of my appartment without any of my belongings, sometimes dragging me out completely naked in the streets of downtown Montréal while mocking me.

Psychiatrists, no matter what I tell them always declare me an imminent danger so the judges will order my forced hospitalization during which psychiatrists have all the power over me; where they too often do illegal things just because they have a team of Milgramian subjects whose jobs is to obey all of the doctors’ orders, and since the psychiatrist can always invent a medical reason to mistreat, blackmail and torture a patient, I can never get any point across to ombudsmans or complaints commissionners for, to them, it’s just part of the treatment, and it’s easier for everyone to not do like me, the alledged psychotic who calls it torture, for it would embarrass too many people.

It has been years now that my meth addiction is never treated by the doctors. They simply blame me for using, write no prescription for it, but psychiatrist Karin Grace Goddard gets a court order to force upon me the medication of the side effects of my crystal meth use. Just a few weeks after getting the court order, she wad shouting at the top of her voice in the cafeteria of the psychiatry unit “I WILL NEVER PRESCRIBE YOU AMPHETAMINES!”. I will never forget that moment because it made her look crazier that I ever had.

My psychiatrist, to whom I am bound for the next three years KNOWS that I need to use meth/amphetamines to be functional. I believe it is an open secret in the medical field: everyone knows crystal meth users are actually dependant on the drug to function somewhat normally; that they are like dead from within when they are sober. Yet, they still won’t prescribe a replacement drug like Adderall, which, on the highest dosage, cuts the craving for crystal meth completely!

There is much more money to be made keeping a whole segment of the population trapped in crystal meth addiction and incessantly treat the psychotic side effects of crystal meth use with antipsychotics that give so many side effects themselves that they make another buck selling the pills to treat those side effects as well.

It’s like meth addicts are forced to being sick because they give us no other choice than to drink polluted water, keeping the bottled water safely stored anf heavily controlled, and win money by treating the sickness from drinking polluted water. Then, when I insist that with 60 mg of Adderall, I can go about my business without even thinking of consuming meth, and that it is the prescription I need to stop using meth, they told me that since there is a risk I might mix the two, I could die from this treatment and they wouldn’t take the risk, even when I insisted I’d sign a discharge. They simply decided I was in no position to give consent to a medical treatment. Why? Because they had already declared me psychotic from the meth use.

My last hospitalization lasted well over 3 months, and was cut short because of two reasons: 1) the official reason being that I smuggled in meth after their constant refusal to give me the pharmaceutical version of it, when I had told them on day 1 of my hospitalization that without Adderall, I use meth, and since using was against the treatment plan that was decided for me by the psychiatrist who dismissed my input everytime, and ended up blaming me (IMAGINE! She decides EVERYTHING; ALL my input is dismissed; and SHE BLAMES ME when she fails following through with her own plan); 2) the real reason is that meth gave me back the confidence and strenght to not only resist their constant abuse, but to troll them back and insult them like they deserve to be insulted. I never said anything crass; they simply lost their shit when I told them “let’s talk in 30 minutes, I’m busy sending an email that won’t send” (it was yet another complaint about their abuse of power). I didn’t show them respect when they only worked to try and break me in for the past month, (doing things like cutting my access to my phone and laptop for 6 weeks in a row until I start cooperating with them; not prescribing adequate medication to counter the side effects of the antipsychotics I’m forced to recieve; belittling mex getting me to collaborate with them while they torture me). All that ended with them making me a homeless person without notice.

Many of the ressources are barred to those who consume because they want to protect only those who are “trying” sobriety for some time when it gets too hard to go without these ressources as a homeless person. Choosing sobriety when there is a meth addiction, is kind of like choosing to become a zombie, a living dead: it’s a choice no one would rationally make unless it’s that or being simply dead.

Using crystal meth is not a choice. It’s a sentence. I’m as forced by my neurons to use crystal meth as I am forced by the legal and medical system to be injected with antipsychotics. I don’t decide I’m going to use meth. I just always end up using. I don’t choose to always end up using. I just use. I use. I use because I need to, and not because it is more fun. I use because I need to feel alive! I need to be able to do the things that make life worth living, like writing, build websites, draw, talk to friends; and I also need to do the things I need to survive, like find an appartment, run errands, make important phone calls. These are all the things I cannot do anymore, without using crystal meth.

I need meth.

I didn’t choose meth. Meth has chosen me. When I want to choose Adderall instead, I am told bullshit reasons why doctors won’t make that possible.

I need meth.

And without realizing it, organized crime, namely the russian mafia is closing in on me and tries to use the fact that I need them, since I need the meth they supply, to try and enroll me into selling drugs myself. I kindly refused saying I’m still on sick leave from work, that I still can’t work a job after 4 years without working because no one is actually treating my problem.

I need meth.

I know I need meth, because I have to use meth before I can do the things I need to do. I know I need meth because needing is actually what meth feels like. I use meth like I drink water. I don’t tend to overuse it; I just smoke my crystal meth when I feel the thirst.

I need meth.

I know I need meth because it had ruined my life and I still use it! It’s worse than an abusive partner that people have to leave at some point. I’ve reached the point where those who are supposed to, even paid to, take care of me and look after my interests are actually acting against me, and attacking my livelihood and thus attacking me, while blaming ME for having have used; and still be using. We are trying to destroy me because of my meth addiction and we still don’t prescribe anything for me to stop using meth. The problem is not meth use, it’s the addiction, the dependance. Meth use is the symptom, not the illness.

I need meth.

Like the 95% of the regular crystal meth users who never quit using. I’m just like them! I never stop because

I need meth.

Did you figure out that all the social workers, doctors, helpers, nurses, and other types of paid workers whose jobs is to treat crystal meth addicts are failing at their jobs? 5% is far from a passing grade. Yet, they are still credible blabbering next to be because

I need meth and they don’t.

The medical system fails to treat 95% of meth addicts and the professionals that are paid to treat us always blame us when they fail, and they fail 95% of the time! 100% in my case, because

I need meth and they won’t.

Why would I still use it if I didn’t need it, when my family and my doctors MADE me homeless because of it?

I do need meth.

And if you don’t believe me when I say I need meth, I will not believe you: I will not believe that you don’t believe me and I will believe that you conspire to ruin my life in the biggest gaslighting scheme in history.

I need help, but no one helps.

No one helps, because no one wants to help.

95% of meth users never stopping is the system failing them on purpose.

I need meth but you don’t need to hear that.