Every one around me who is allegedly trying to heal me insist that I can stop using crystal meth if only I gave myself the will to do so. The doctors won’t prescribe anything pharmaceutical to treat crystal meth addiction: they only prescribe willpower to the meth addicts and let them fail 95% of the time at stopping crystal meth use.
95% of regular meth users never stop using crystal meth. That is appaling! The so-called experts actually have no expertise when it comes to treating crystal meth addiction. They know very well that the drug ruins lives like it ruined mine; and yet, users simply just don’t find the willpower to simply just not use?
My psychiatrist claims that I use crystal meth for the pleasure it gives me: that is as far from the truth of experiencing it as it can be. I don’t do meth for fun. Maybe I had some fun on meth at the start; it sure helped my rapist, who got me addicted, to rape me four years ago. I realize today that it was his intention from the get go: ruin my life by giving me meth addiction.
The police didn’t do anything to help me when he was still sending death threats and harassing me after the rape. But the police did force so many times to be at the mercy of psychiatrists by tearing me out of my appartment without any of my belongings, sometimes dragging me out completely naked in the streets of downtown Montréal while mocking me.
Psychiatrists, no matter what I tell them always declare me an imminent danger so the judges will order my forced hospitalization during which psychiatrists have all the power over me; where they too often do illegal things just because they have a team of Milgramian subjects whose jobs is to obey all of the doctors’ orders, and since the psychiatrist can always invent a medical reason to mistreat, blackmail and torture a patient, I can never get any point across to ombudsmans or complaints commissionners for, to them, it’s just part of the treatment, and it’s easier for everyone to not do like me, the alledged psychotic who calls it torture, for it would embarrass too many people.
It has been years now that my meth addiction is never treated by the doctors. They simply blame me for using, write no prescription for it, but psychiatrist Karin Grace Goddard gets a court order to force upon me the medication of the side effects of my crystal meth use. Just a few weeks after getting the court order, she wad shouting at the top of her voice in the cafeteria of the psychiatry unit “I WILL NEVER PRESCRIBE YOU AMPHETAMINES!”. I will never forget that moment because it made her look crazier that I ever had.
My psychiatrist, to whom I am bound for the next three years KNOWS that I need to use meth/amphetamines to be functional. I believe it is an open secret in the medical field: everyone knows crystal meth users are actually dependant on the drug to function somewhat normally; that they are like dead from within when they are sober. Yet, they still won’t prescribe a replacement drug like Adderall, which, on the highest dosage, cuts the craving for crystal meth completely!
There is much more money to be made keeping a whole segment of the population trapped in crystal meth addiction and incessantly treat the psychotic side effects of crystal meth use with antipsychotics that give so many side effects themselves that they make another buck selling the pills to treat those side effects as well.
It’s like meth addicts are forced to being sick because they give us no other choice than to drink polluted water, keeping the bottled water safely stored anf heavily controlled, and win money by treating the sickness from drinking polluted water. Then, when I insist that with 60 mg of Adderall, I can go about my business without even thinking of consuming meth, and that it is the prescription I need to stop using meth, they told me that since there is a risk I might mix the two, I could die from this treatment and they wouldn’t take the risk, even when I insisted I’d sign a discharge. They simply decided I was in no position to give consent to a medical treatment. Why? Because they had already declared me psychotic from the meth use.
My last hospitalization lasted well over 3 months, and was cut short because of two reasons: 1) the official reason being that I smuggled in meth after their constant refusal to give me the pharmaceutical version of it, when I had told them on day 1 of my hospitalization that without Adderall, I use meth, and since using was against the treatment plan that was decided for me by the psychiatrist who dismissed my input everytime, and ended up blaming me (IMAGINE! She decides EVERYTHING; ALL my input is dismissed; and SHE BLAMES ME when she fails following through with her own plan); 2) the real reason is that meth gave me back the confidence and strenght to not only resist their constant abuse, but to troll them back and insult them like they deserve to be insulted. I never said anything crass; they simply lost their shit when I told them “let’s talk in 30 minutes, I’m busy sending an email that won’t send” (it was yet another complaint about their abuse of power). I didn’t show them respect when they only worked to try and break me in for the past month, (doing things like cutting my access to my phone and laptop for 6 weeks in a row until I start cooperating with them; not prescribing adequate medication to counter the side effects of the antipsychotics I’m forced to recieve; belittling mex getting me to collaborate with them while they torture me). All that ended with them making me a homeless person without notice.
Many of the ressources are barred to those who consume because they want to protect only those who are “trying” sobriety for some time when it gets too hard to go without these ressources as a homeless person. Choosing sobriety when there is a meth addiction, is kind of like choosing to become a zombie, a living dead: it’s a choice no one would rationally make unless it’s that or being simply dead.
Using crystal meth is not a choice. It’s a sentence. I’m as forced by my neurons to use crystal meth as I am forced by the legal and medical system to be injected with antipsychotics. I don’t decide I’m going to use meth. I just always end up using. I don’t choose to always end up using. I just use. I use. I use because I need to, and not because it is more fun. I use because I need to feel alive! I need to be able to do the things that make life worth living, like writing, build websites, draw, talk to friends; and I also need to do the things I need to survive, like find an appartment, run errands, make important phone calls. These are all the things I cannot do anymore, without using crystal meth.
I need meth.
I didn’t choose meth. Meth has chosen me. When I want to choose Adderall instead, I am told bullshit reasons why doctors won’t make that possible.
I need meth.
And without realizing it, organized crime, namely the russian mafia is closing in on me and tries to use the fact that I need them, since I need the meth they supply, to try and enroll me into selling drugs myself. I kindly refused saying I’m still on sick leave from work, that I still can’t work a job after 4 years without working because no one is actually treating my problem.
I need meth.
I know I need meth, because I have to use meth before I can do the things I need to do. I know I need meth because needing is actually what meth feels like. I use meth like I drink water. I don’t tend to overuse it; I just smoke my crystal meth when I feel the thirst.
I need meth.
I know I need meth because it had ruined my life and I still use it! It’s worse than an abusive partner that people have to leave at some point. I’ve reached the point where those who are supposed to, even paid to, take care of me and look after my interests are actually acting against me, and attacking my livelihood and thus attacking me, while blaming ME for having have used; and still be using. We are trying to destroy me because of my meth addiction and we still don’t prescribe anything for me to stop using meth. The problem is not meth use, it’s the addiction, the dependance. Meth use is the symptom, not the illness.
I need meth.
Like the 95% of the regular crystal meth users who never quit using. I’m just like them! I never stop because
I need meth.
Did you figure out that all the social workers, doctors, helpers, nurses, and other types of paid workers whose jobs is to treat crystal meth addicts are failing at their jobs? 5% is far from a passing grade. Yet, they are still credible blabbering next to be because
I need meth and they don’t.
The medical system fails to treat 95% of meth addicts and the professionals that are paid to treat us always blame us when they fail, and they fail 95% of the time! 100% in my case, because
I need meth and they won’t.
Why would I still use it if I didn’t need it, when my family and my doctors MADE me homeless because of it?
I do need meth.
And if you don’t believe me when I say I need meth, I will not believe you: I will not believe that you don’t believe me and I will believe that you conspire to ruin my life in the biggest gaslighting scheme in history.
I need help, but no one helps.
No one helps, because no one wants to help.
95% of meth users never stopping is the system failing them on purpose.
I need meth but you don’t need to hear that.